Sunday, November 2, 2008

Ramble Session Part I

i don't know whats been wrong with me lately..this emotional roller coaster is starting to take its toll! its been going on for months, where i'm up then down, left then right. but whats bothering me the most is i don't know what the cause is!!! if i were getting closer to my sixties, i'd blame it on menopause but i am so far from being close to that!!

is it just that i'm a woman!! what a lame excuse! i mean, yeah we go through the extremes of beautifying and pampering ourselves, hair..makeup.. "trimming"..pain of certain shoes..and not to mention the one thing we can't help, ol' aunt flo! and what do men go through
..........................................(cue crickets).................................................... NOTHING!!!! but i can't say thats the reason for my 'slump', if you will...

maybe i really am an emotional person...something i've never owned up to. and by emotional i mean very into my feelings, and always has some over the top reaction to very small things. nothing wrong with that, buts its never been ME! (don't confuse this with 'dramatic', i own up to that..lol..) now i don't wanna sound like i'm schizo or something, but i go about feeling things in my own way. my outward expression isn't always what i'm feeling inside. i guess thats the way i protect myself..i don't know...

or maybe....it is what it is...something that will continue to be unexplainable but still serves meaningful purpose. God has infinite ways of doing things, so i don't want to not relate this to something spiritual that could be taking place. its just so weird! but, His ways are not our ways. so with that being said, i'm done trying to figure it out..done with leaning on my own understanding..done with trying to come up with a cure which winds up being only temporary. this could possibly be a new me..or the labor pains for giving birth to something else..

peace.kid.

song: "Me" by Erykah Badu

1 comment:

Shanee' said...

Ok, u sound like me on this one! i'm so done with trying to figure things out, so like u i will give it to God!!!!!